a trip in 200 words

I was asked to write 200 words summing up my experience in Haiti. 200 words is NOT very many words to explain a life changing event. But, I did it.... Don't know where they are using it, so I'm posting it here. Sorry I've been M.I.A. lately. I'll try to do better.

I’m a closet control freak! I’m not a fan of chaos, or winging it. I like structure, rules, and feeling like I’ve got things all figured out. But this trip changed all that. I had to give up control and live on Faith. AND I LOVED IT! From day one, we had unexpected events occur. With each “surprise,” I prayed! I learned that the power of prayer is amazing. During the week, I would get choked up about how the people lived, and discouraged when a story wasn’t being told the way I thought it should be. I got scared when I thought about something happening to my family while I was gone. But I was reminded repeatedly that God is in control. He’s in control of the words the Haitian children heard, our safety, our families back home, even the water we drank. The Lord we serve is a living God. He hears us when we cry out to Him and He cares for us all. Not just those of us in our lofty houses driving our nice cars. He is in control of ALL of us. He loves ALL of us. Even the sweet orphaned children living in 3^rd world places surrounded by disease and dirty water. On the surface, I thought God just sent me to Haiti to show His love to children, but He really wanted to teach me to rely solely on Him. Lesson Learned!

Happy birthdays and goodbyes

I'm gonna get through the rest of our trip today! Maybe... If the pink baby on the floor playing with her panda rattle will let me! We'll see. She's looking at me now - eating her toes. I love that she's found her toes. haha. OK seriously - back to Haiti. (I get so sidetracked talking about Charlie girl).

Wednesday, March 28th:
HAPPY 5 MONTHS TO MY SWEET CHARLIE GRACE! I bet she has grown so much this week. So far today has been super relaxed. We went to the area where Mackenson was found. It was so sad. It was incredible to see that people live in such poor conditions. There was just trash on the ground, and their faces were dirty. Two little boys were playing with blown up condoms. Like they were balloons. If only it would click in people's minds (both in Haiti and in the US, and everywhere else for that matter) that those aren't balloons for children. It was a little frustrating.
Then we went to this BEAUTIFUL beach area where we did some serious shopping from a lady who had stuff just set out on a folding table. There were hand crafted bracelets, wooden boxes, bowls, etc. I wanted it all. I was wishing I had brought more $ and a bigger suitcase. The land here is beautiful. It's so sad that it's overrun with poverty. It could be such a rich place if it were better taken care of.
We are supposed to go to the Hills later to witness to an after school program that they are starting. I can't wait! I helped revise the story and feel good that I'm going to help instead of shying into the background.The kids up the mountain where we went hadn't heard much about Jesus. We told them the story of Jesus and the story of Jesus feeding the 5000. They were all very interested. You could see it on their faces that they were listening!! Then we gave them a soccer ball. You would think it was Christmas! They went wack-a-doo over it! It was fun to watch. I have been so blessed by being here. I'm growing - call me small fry if you want ... but I'm growing! 
I mentioned that it was my Charlie girl's 5 month "birthday" and that she was born at 7:14 pm. Michele was kind enough to let me use her cell phone!! I text my mom and had her come down to my house so I could talk to Charlie at exactly 7:14 to say happy birthday! I could hear her goo'ing and ahh'ing on the other end of the phone for a second. Then I'm sure she just looked at it, wondering why the "little black box" sounded like mommy. It made me happy and sad all at once. But how blessed is my daughter to have 2 grandmothers here watching her during the day, a daddy to spoil her rotten when he's off work, an auntie Mandy who adores her to pieces, a Big Daddy who is wrapped around ALL of his grandbabies fingers and a ton of other family and friends praying for her. Yes, my child is loved. For this, I am forever grateful, forever thankful. (see, sidetracked again).....


Thursday, March 29th:
Today we went to the beach AGAIN. It was soooo fun. The waves were huge! Mom would have told me to come closer to the shore. Ha. Then we came back and played with the kids the rest of the day. Tonight, when we were getting ready to say goodnight, Fenel told them we were leaving. Richardson and the older ones cried. We ALL cried. It's amazing how attached you can become in just one week. We tucked them in and I held Lucien's face and told him that me and Jesus love him and that he was beautiful. He held me so tight as I was tucking him in. I prayed over that sweet child and cried and cried not knowing when I would see him again. I think I told him a million times that he is strong and he is a child of God and that I loved him so very much. I went to kiss his little cheek. That wasn't good enough for him I suppose. He smacked one right on my lips. My instinct was to pull away as quickly as possible (I'm so not a lovey-dovey gal), but this child probably NEVER gets kissed goodnight. He probably never gets affection from someone outside of the workers at the House of Abraham. So, a quick goodnight kiss from my little Haitian boy. I hugged all the children and told them each that Jesus loves them and goodnight.
After the kids were all asleep, we went up to get our bags packed and ready for the morning. Then, we went downstairs, blew up 100 balloons and wrote on them. We wrote their names, our names, "i love you," "Jesus loves you," and other little sayings and doodles. Such a good idea - I THINK it was Amanda's idea! Good job BFF.


I miss Lucien. I miss all of the kids, but my heart aches to see Lucien's face. I want him to know my baby girl. I want my husband to know him. I want Jacob to fall in love with him like I did. I don't necessarially think that we are to adopt Lucien, but I want to always have a bond and relationship with him. I want us to remain in contact, to watch him grow, to support him in his walk with God, and with his education. I want him to know that there is a family in Mississippi who adores him and thinks he is amazing. I want to learn Hatian Creole just so I can write him letters. I want him to have a computer so he can skype when he's older. I want him to be happy. I want him to do big big things for Haiti when he's a "papa." I want to see him and hear his sweet soft voice again. It hurts thinking about him now like it hurt thinking about my Charlie Grace when I was there. I have peace because he is at the House of Abraham and they love him. They are raising him in a good home and they take care of him. They are genuinely concerned with his future. Fenel, thank you a million times for taking care of him and the others like you and Mimi and your staff do. Tell that boy that Stephanie Walley loves him ..... and that Jesus loves him! 

34

I took the weekend off! Sorry folks. Here goes:

Tuesday, March 27th (morning):
Last night was hard. I cried more than I have the rest of the trip. I miss my family so much. I looked at pictures they sent. I watched videos on my phone of my sweet Charlie Grace laughing and talking. I'm not sure if it helped or made things worse!! She's so stinking wonderful. I can't wait to squeeze her chunky self and kiss my husband!!!
But on to today: we are going into a secular school to tell the Resurrection story to about 150 kids. This is awesome. It's something that we rarely get to do in the public schools in the US, but here in Haiti, yep, we're doing it! What an opportunity. I'm nervous about the language barrier, but I'm just praying that these kids hear and GET the story of a Jesus who loves them and cares about them enough to die for them. God is doing some incredible things this week with me. I'm just in awe of Him and am so very glad I was able to come be a part of this experience. I'm praying for the words to speak, the confidence to share and lead these children to Christ, and the peace I need to keep going this week without my family.

*this is the good part*

Tuesday, March 27th (night):

Galatians 2:20 says "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

That's the verse we heard when we got to the school today. The children were saying it from memory! How rockin' is that?! We were given the opportunity to stand in front of about 150 kids to tell them about Jesus. While in the middle of listening to the story being told, I got very emotional. One of our team members was telling it, and Fenel was translating it. It was very complicated. I even got lost a few times, so I assumed that the kids were too. I was standing close to the exit and eased my way out. Jim followed me out to see if I was ok. Of course I started crying. (yeah yeah I'm a cry baby. Say something!) I told him why I was upset and He reminded me that we are not in control of this time. He looked at me and said something that I knew all along but I hadn't given over to God. - He said "Steph, the Holy Spirit is guiding Fenel. The Holy Spirit is leading these children and giving each of the people speaking the words to say. It's in HIS hands." Well, ok then! That shut my self-centered mouth right up! How snotty of me to think that we had any control in the first place. God's so much bigger than me, goodness. We went back in and our team had finished up. Fenel was "recapping" things and after about 10 minutes of just staring at him not understanding a single thing he was saying, he looked over at us and said, "I'm going to ask if they want to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord today." My heart stopped I think. I had heard this asked at church on Sundays, but never in a different setting. What would happen!? How would they react? Would anyone stand up? This was a huge moment! One child came forward then another. Soon, THIRTY FOUR children were standing around Fenel who wanted to become followers of my Jesus!!!!! We took them into a separate room where Fenel, Jim, Jana, Kim, and Donna all went to talk to the children more about what they were doing. The rest of us stood outside and prayed over the school and for the children. We prayed that they would remain strong, that they would impact others, that they would change the views of their people, that they would outlive their lives through Christ. It was pretty amazing. I went over to the room where the children were and Fenel, Jim, Jana, Kim, and Donna were all holding hands in a circle around the children. I joined in and cried and prayed for them. It was the most blessed event on this trip so far. God is so much bigger than the words we mess up or the story we tell. I have every one of those faces on my video camera and I hope I never stop praying for them. 34. 34 brothers and sisters in Christ today. 34 children I may never see again on this Earth. 34 children I WILL see one day in Heaven. 34 souls saved because the Holy Spirit showed up and gave our team the words to say.. 

After we left the school, we went to Fenel's house! I got to hear that beautiful voice again. I never realized how much I love the sound of Jacob's voice till this trip. I love that man so much. I'm so ready to be wrapped in a big ole hug from him! He let me know that our Charlie Bug was doing just fine. That eased my mind a ton. I miss my girl. My sweet, precious, beautiful baby girl. My heart aches to see them so much. BUT, I'm doing good here. I'm glad I'm here. I am just trying to enjoy the experience and learn as much as I possibly can.

We also went to the beach today. This time, we went without the kiddos from the House of Abraham. It was fun getting to spend time with just the ladies from our team. I've made some friendships that I hope will be lasting ones. 

I never realized how exhilarating it could be to lead someone to Jesus! I always thought about it, and I always thought "yeah right, what good am I?" I may not have been the one speaking, but I sure was praying. The power of prayer is incredible. Watching someone say that they want to follow Jesus is incredible. For each of you who helped make this trip possible for me - thanks! It's changed my life. It's opened my eyes to a whole new world. I can't wait to show you pictures and videos! 

Lucien and Mackenson

Oooh, today's a good one! I get to talk about two little boys that have taken hold of my heart.

First up is Lucien. Just saying his name makes my heart ache. I miss him so much more than I thought I even could miss someone that wasn't "mine." I'm just gonna write what my journal says:

Monday, March 24th (morning):
So far today has been pretty slow. The kids are in school so some of the crew is downstairs painting the walls. The rest of us stayed upstairs and organized the snacks and crafts for the week. Once we saw the kids getting home, we raced down the stairs. One boy, Lucien, has become my best friend. If we play a game or do anything, he always finds me Even from the car, I saw him scan through all of us and when his eyes caught mine, I saw a huge smile. He will be 7 on December 18th. Every time I think about leaving him, I cry. Not sure what that's all about, but it sure has my heart hurting. On the flip side, I sure do miss my sweet Charlie Grace and Jacob. I wish Jacob were here to see all of this. I just know he would love it.

*i'm skipping all the story from the middle of this day, FOR NOW. Gotta finish about my Lucien.*

So we get back to the House of Abraham and it was back to playing with the kiddos. Lucian was right by my side the whole night. He would not let go of my hand - to the point that his tiny grip hurt a little. But I'm definitely NOT complaining. Those huge eyes and that big happy smile get me. He is such a happy boy. He taught me all of the Haitian Creole words for the colors. I love this child.

 ok, ok, get out your hankies folks. I'm gonna share about little Mack! 

If you haven't heard the back story of baby Mackenson, you should! Here's his story.Ok, after you've finished crying I'll go on ........ again, going straight from the journal:
So, we went to the Hands and Feet Orphanage today. It was the most amazing experience so far. The first gate was guarded by a lady with a HUGE gun over her shoulder. Then there was a 2nd locked gate. Their orphanage was 4 huge 2 story white buildings. Each building had "homes" in each quadrant. Like there were 2 upstairs and 2 downstairs. Each "home" had a house mother and approximately 6-11 children. Keep in mind that this is 6-11 kids in ONE room. with ONE bathroom and ONE small table, with ONE adult.When we got there, I was overcome with emotion. I instantly started crying. I couldn't breathe. I don't know how, but somehow I have to help this place. Steven was the guy in charge there. He began showing us around. And although we were listening a little, we were all more interested in scanning the children to get a look at baby Mackenson! Betty told him that Michele was in the process of adopting him! So, he instantly took us to his "house." He was asleep. In his little diaper and football jersey. He was facing the wall, so we didn't get to see his sweet face. Just his little tush in a diaper. :) We went upstairs where we did our VBS story with about 20 kids. They really liked the animal noises that we did with the Noah story. As we were heading downstairs, heading to talk to Steven again near the front of the orphanage, I hear Betty yell "michele!" I turn around (yes, I know I'm not Michele, but I'm nosey). I turn around and see Betty holding Mackenson. I RAN over and flipped on my video camera!! *I had already asked Michele if it was ok* I got to watch as Michele met her sweet baby boy for the first time. Mackenson hugged his mommy so tight and looked so peaceful in her arms. It was so incredible to be a part of that. It was like he KNEW that she belonged to him. Michele's daughters Heather and Kat took turns holding him too. They can talk big all day long, but that little man already has their hearts melted. They are going to be such awesome big sisters to him. Heather's gonna teach him how to take pictures of himself in a bathroom mirror, and Kat's gonna teach him how to play ball like a champ! (just kidding BFF's). Saying goodbye to him was tough. I was sad leaving my little girl for 7 days. I can't even imagine how much it would hurt to say goodbye to your child and not know when you would see him again. The good news is that Mackenson and the Henley family have an entire church praying for them! He has more aunts and uncles and people ready to babysit him than most. :) He'll go from one extreme to the very opposite!!!! I can't wait to see little Mackenson at Colonial Hills. That'll be a good day!

I finally had my meltdown tonight. I cried and cried in the shower. I miss my husband and baby girl so much it's almost more than I can take. But I just keep praying that God will wrap Himself around me and comfort and protect me. He's good at that. I sucked it up.. I'm making it pretty good.


Count your blessings. The ones near and far. I'm planning to spend this good friday with my man and our baby girl. God is good. Very good. He's taking care of us. He's taking care of Lucien. He's taking care of Mackenson... and all the other sweet children in the world. Tell Him thanks.. For taking care of your family, for GIVING you your family, and for giving you HIS family. His only son - came just for you. To save you so you could spend forever with Him. Oh glorious day....

Haiti: part deux

The little lady is asleep. So, I'm going to attempt to get more than 1 "days" worth of journal on here. I'm already running out of cutsey little titles for these and it's only the beginning. yikes.

Saturday, March 24th (night):
We met the kids and played this morning. Right when I got down there, one little boy walked up to me and held his arms up for me to hold him. This little guy's name was Widly. (pronounced "wid" like "kid").  We weren't down there playing long before we had to get ready to go. Fenel took us to the land that will become the NEW House of Abraham! It's on 6 acres and it is beautiful!! We walked around listening to Fenel tell us about his plans and ideas. We all stood in one place and prayed over it. We prayed that the right people would come to build it, that God would raise up the funds to get it built, that the children who come to live there would grow in Christ and begin to change their nation, for protection. We did some serious prayin' about it. I am so excited to go back one day and see just what God has done! There will be concrete walls and a playground! A school and a HOME for children! Just thinking about it makes me wanna hop on a plane (with the family, of course).
All week long we rode in the bed of a truck! I stood up most of the time. It was fun! I felt like the chick off Titanic. :)
So, after we left the land, Fenel surprised us by taking us to his home. He let us know we were going to be able to use the phone. I immediately broke down sobbing! It had been a whole 24 hours since I talked to my family, which doesn't sound like very long, but IT IS! The ladies very generously asked if I wanted to go first. I said no. I was trying to get myself back together. I knew that if I cried on the phone with Jacob that he would be worried about me. Donna, who I now consider one of the most amazing women I've been blessed to meet, asked if she could pray with me. Totally let her! I'll take all the prayers I can get :) Ya'll the woman is incredible. When she prays, it's legit. So, it was my turn to call! On the other end of that phone was the most beautiful voice I have ever heard. I absolutely adore the way my husband sounds. He told me how proud he was and that Charlie was doing great. That was a happy moment!! And, I didn't cry! I think my voice was shaky, but no tears. *until I hung up* but I sucked it up quick!
We came back to the House of Abraham and played the rest of the afternoon with the kids. We played kick-ball, catch, chase, and every other game you can imagine! It was AWESOME. Everyone laughed and had such a fun time. The relationships were already being formed. I didn't realize it then, but I was falling in love with the kiddos in Haiti. The toughest part was the language barrier. I would get frustrated because I couldn't understand what they were saying. They would say something and then just stare with this blank look like "why is this lady not answering me."
Had the most incredible experience tonight (after my cold, no-pressure shower that is). Elizabeth, one of the girls on our team, was sick and asleep in the bed. Papa Jon-Jon asked if the kids could come up and sing to her and pray. UM YES! We watched as 13 sweet children sang a song to Elizabeth. Then Jon-Jon prayed. Immediately after he prayed, 13 little hands went up towards Elizabeth and 13 individual prayers all at once surrounded her. I was in awe. These children were praying for their new friend - out loud - in front of strangers! I am just now learning to do that. Yeah, if I thought I was in Haiti to teach, I realized real quick that I was the one being taught!! 


Sunday March 25th:
We woke up at 5:00 AM. we had to be at church at 6. It was pretty amazing. There was a preacher there from Kenya who just happened to speak ENGLISH! He preached about how we must raise up a generation that will live out loud for Jesus and how we must declare things in God's name - to take back the nations that we live in. He said "where are the wailing mothers crying out for their children?" That struck me to my core as I watched him speak and looked over at the sweet children sitting by him who had no mother or father to love them and care about their future. But, It was so awesome to see a PACKED out church full of people who loved the same Jesus that I love. I guess it kinda hit me all the sudden. Our God isn't an american God, he's the God of the whole world. And he wanted to use me in Haiti. That's big stuff.
After church was nap time! Then we had lunch and got ready for the beach!!!!!!!!!! We took the kids with us. That was an adventure! They loved it. At first, I was "in charge" of Saintamene (like scent-a-men). I figured it wouldn't be too tough. She's three. Good practice for when I take my Charlie girl to the beach in a few years. NO - WRONG - NOT EVEN CLOSE! The girl was crazy. She would just fall in the water face first. She wouldn't stand up, and was like a super heavy limp noodle in the water. I passed her off as quickly as I could to a more "experienced" mom. But before I could do that, the kid peed on me! All over my arm! Ah the joys of little ones. :) At one point, I had 3 girls pulling on me at once. One on each hip, and one around my leg. I loved it. It made me want more kiddos! (watch out Jacob). We came back to the House of Abraham, got cleaned up, and just hung out till bed time. It was a great day! I miss my family, but I'm making it better than I thought. I must have a TON of people back home praying for me.


I'm so overwhelmed just writing about this trip. I would write more, but I don't want to rush through any of it. It's like I'm living it all over again! Our God is an awesome God. He's opened my eyes to an entire world of "different" and I like it. Mommas - pray over your children daily. Pray for their innocence, their walk with Jesus, their future, their nation.... Pray over them. "wail" over them. Make it sincere. Make it important!

xoxo

Haiti: Mwen fou pou ou

That means "Haiti: I'm crazy for you." At first, I thought I was just crazy! I wrote in a journal each day I was there. I'm just going to copy from it because it's easier than trying to summarize :) I didn't write near as much as I wish I would have. I'm so not good at journaling and keeping up with stuff. I'll do better on the next mission trip.

Friday, March 23rd:
So, I'm on the plane heading to Haiti. I can't believe I'm actually going to a different place without my family. God does big stuff. I didn't cry too much saying good-bye to Jacob and Charlie Grace - until I read my letter from Jacob. I guess I forget how much I rely on him for encouragement and strength. He amazes me at how strong he is. I know he will be taking good care of our baby girl. Every time I start getting choked up or feel the tears coming, I just pray. Oh the power of prayer. :) I'm praying for peace and comfort, and for a calmness about the week ahead. It's going great so far, but it's only been a few hours! I think I will have some beautiful friendships by the week's end and even better - some beautiful memories of being the feet of a God who loves even the smallest, most shy child in Haiti. I get to be a part of that. Wow. Yay with me!

Saturday, March 24th (morning):
Ok! I made it through night one. There was a delay on our 2nd flight from Fort Lauderdale to Port au Prince. That wasn't too bad. When we landed and went through customs, I was so nervous. There were tons of men trying to "help" us with our luggage and wanting us to take their "taxi." They would come right up and motion you to their vehicle and try to just take your bags. I stayed right behind Betty because she would very sternly look at them and say "NO." It was nerve-wracking to say the least! We met up with Fenel and loaded our luggage into the truck. We all piled into a van and off we went. It was so sad to see the poverty in Port au Prince. The smell was bad awful! It was a mixture of sewage and body odor. The people just sat around on the streets. Some were selling sodas or food (which didn't look edible). There were piles of food for sale that looked rotten, but people were rummaging through it like it was wonderful. There were entire "cities" made of tin scraps and any other materials they could put together. It was a LONG 3 hour drive from there to Jacmel. When we arrived at the House of Abraham, we were met by Fenel's wife, Mimi, who had a casserole and brownies waiting for us. It was ... Interesting. But I'm picky! (my pickiness became a joke by the end of the week). We were told that 13 children lived at the House of Abraham. We wouldn't get to meet them until the morning because they were already asleep. I haven't had a breakdown YET. I have cried a few times. I already miss Jacob and Charlie so so much. All I want to do is talk to my husband and tell him I love him and it's only been one day. Just to hear his voice. - Suck it up Steph! I've been praying that God would use me big time here and keep my mind focused on these sweet children and know that mine is being taken care of by a whole army of people who love her. More Later.



Ok, the papoose is screaming. Guess she's ready for some mommy-daughter time. Either that, or she's ready to eat! Either way, I'm enjoying every moment.  - Counting my happies today.

xoxo - Steph

Should I stay or should I go now

Let's start at the beginning.. Sortof. A few years ago Jacob and I started talking about wanting to do mission work overseas. I knew I wanted to be in an orphanage somewhere. I didn't care where, I just knew I wanted to show love to sweet babies somewhere! Well, we were beginning to pray about it and really persue it when we found out we were pregnant!!! So, we put the missions "stuff" on hold and decided to find ways to serve locally.

October rolled around and we finally met our sweet Charlie Grace. Oh she is beautiful! (I could write a book on this child, so I won't go on and on here - we'll save that for another blog).

Around February, I heard about an all women's mission trip to Haiti to work in an orphanage. I thought it would be so neat to go, but didn't give it much thought. Hello I have a 4 month old! A few weeks later, I was told that they had one spot left and that they really needed one more person to go. This was a Sunday night. I boo-hoo'ed. ALOT. I was so torn, I wanted to go, but I didn't want to leave my baby!! I did some major praying, alot of crying, some pro/con lists, and talking. But mostly, crying and praying. I was at home reading in the Bible about serving God even when it's not convenient or easy. And stumbled upon Matthew 10:37 "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me." And with that, I knew I had no choice. How can I ever expect to show my little girl how to truely serve Jesus if I refuse to do so myself?!

So I was going! I told Jim (the missions pastor) that Friday to count me in!!

I've got story after story to tell about what God did in Haiti. I can't wait to share them and show pictures of what I experienced. I'm changed. I've grown. I've learned. I'm humbled. But most of all, I'm grateful to have had the opportunity to be the hands and feet of a living God.